Hello My name is……….

telephone This lovely lady, whose name is Johnna, is completely and totally irrelevant.

Hi! I have deformed adenoids. That is what I tell people when they ask, “Why do you sound like that?” On a weekly basis I am mistaken for someone who doe snot exist. If you haven’t guessed it I sound like the stereotype of “The Nanny”; even more so on the phone. My  inflections add a feminine touch to my already high pitched voice. I regularly make fun of my own voice; It is not a mans voice.

I have answered the phone and been addressed as: Sweetie, honey, darling, sexy, dear, sweet thing just to name a few. When they come in they always ask, “Where the girl go?” To which I say we did a shift change.

My favorite scenario is this:

“Hello, thank you for calling ________; How may I help you?”

“Yes hello I would like to make a reservation.”

Than I continue being “polite” adding inflections and sounding like I actually care about someone named Mable who forgot to make this reservation, and we end with:

“What did you say your name was?”


“Well, Johnna I look forward to seeing you when we arrive.”

Last week at my second job, a man ordering cakes actually thought he had misheard me and addressed me as Johnna. I turned to my manager and said,

“When a man calls asking for Johnna just say she’s doing dishes.” I mean heaven forbid I offend, or embarrass him by pointing out I am not a female. Maybe I should take up an after hours hotline and say I’m candy.

Moral of the story: Acceptance brings contentment.

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