The worst gift ever

vacuumLook really closely at the picture. The picture is so small it is almost laughable. This is it’s purpose.

When I was married, I found myself in the lap of luxury. I would cook, clean, and sew. I loved to iron and drink coffee. I did not however like his surprises. sometimes they were not so bad, and I l kind of liked them, but I was “mickey moused” so to speak. When he was off, he was clear in left field.

My birthday, the big 21. I was expecting a beautiful tennis bracelet I had seen in a department store. I came down bright and early. I fixed coffee. I looked over, and spit coffee all over the wall. In the corner with a, “Happy birthday” balloon was a new vacuum cleaner. It was not pink like the one above, but it had a whole box of attachments

Opening the card, it read, “To my hunny. I hope you get all you want from your birthday. I love you.”

To which I might add, went into the paper shredder. It was my fault, and I knew it. We had been together a week earlier in jolly old “Wal-mart”, and I mentioned I think the vacuum cleaner needs replaced. How is this an Oh I want it for my birthday.

This was the first of many bad gifts including but not limited to:

-blenders, toasters, irons, socks, gel insoles, glasses, coffee grinder, steam cleaner.

Note to self: If any body ever asks what you want for birthday etc. DO NOT HESITATE!! DO NOT HOLD BACK!!! Tell them a tennis bracelet, a bottle of wine, and an expensive dinner. For if you do not, you will be cleaning coffee stains from scrub-able paint because he got you something you cannot share with your friends.

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