The Big “Gay” Voice

fruit    Fruit? I know your staring at the image and saying, “Okay we know your gay.” But think about it. What do you think of when you think of fruit? I will tell you. Gay men and eating(not necessarily together).

I work in the “hospitality industry”. I hand out at least fifty towels of superior spun quality every day. I say hello to the same people at least another fifty times. In the “hospitality industry” we see, hear, and experience it all. Further more we have an obnoxious grin on our face like a result of too much cocaine and we ask you to rate your stay at our property.

I have stopped wearing my name tag.  When you are a “fruit” you immediately become the butt of everyone’s issues. If they can’t remember any one else that works there, they will remember the “gay guy”. As such every so often you get called out on the “fruitiness” by people who have stayed in your hotel.

Wyoming? Does this make you think cowboys? Not me. I don’t really judge people anymore. Wyoming, Colorado makes me think, “Why am I roaming” in the middle of nowhere. I think of masculine men. Sheep branders. baseball caps and tobacco “chew”. What I didn’t realize Wyoming stood for was, “Man oh man I am offended by the gay man’s voice.” Reading a current service report, I realized that this individual, a man, had enjoyed his stay. The breakfast was fantastic; so hot and delicious. The beds were comfortable. The hot tub relaxing. However his check-in was offending. My manager asks, “did you hit on him?” She was joking of course. I guess he was so offended by my voice he stated that I shouldn’t wear my sexuality on my sleeve.

I have struggled with the issue of my voice for years now. I use to want a deep, masculine, welcome to the “bat cave” voice. You know manly, I chop trees, and play with chipmunks voice. Instead I got “The nanny”. I went from squeaky to sounding like a bad representation of “Polly Shore”. Applying this to the concept that he was offended by “the gay voice”, I want to know what he wants me to sound like.

How about the voice of “God” for instance. Or maybe a cartoon character. I decided I should have greeted him in a “terminator” style German dialect. I have decided that in this mans case, he is under the impression I chose to sound this way because he was from Wyoming. Some people choose to be gay, or live in a manner that reflects such lifestyle choices. I however like most boys at the age of seven, found girls were, “YUCKY” and I haven’t quite grown out of that stage.


Moral of the story: Never wright a service report that explains the “gay voice”  is something someone chose. If by chance you do, please remember to leave an alternative such as, “I like the way huckleberry hound sounds” so I can promptly and expeditiously change my voice as not offend anyone.

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